The Wholeness of Parenthood
Musings from the season of early parenthood
This is a post that I started writing over 2 years ago and I never got around to finish it. Usually if I find something incomplete that isn’t particularly relevant to where I am right now, I’ll scrap it. However, I felt like this one had an important point that is good to revisit in any chapter of life and I felt it just needed a little work to be completed.
So journey back with me to my experience over 2 years ago, and enjoy…
I’m now officially 5 months postpartum. In one way it feels like it’s gone by super fast and at the same time it feels like it’s gone by very slow.
It’s hard. So much harder than what anyone has ever told me it is. And yet, at the same time, it is also filled with so many enjoyable moments that I wish I could stop the clock and hold on to the moments forever.
And I’m finding that that’s just kind of the irony of parenting.
You’re exhausted. So exhausted from being woken up once, twice, three or more times per night. 12 AM feeding. 3 AM feeding. 5 AM feeding.
It’s exhausting and so incredibly tiring. Some weeks and months worse than others. Some nights have resulted in tears of frustration. Some nights have resulted in tender and peaceful moments of sweet connection.
And yet, sleep deprivation at all, the most enjoyable time of my day is being able to hold that little baby. Feeling his head rest on my shoulder and his little hand wrapped around my finger. In those moments, I wish it were possible to hold him like that forever.
Our culture tends to view things as “good or bad” and child rearing is certainly not an exception.
I’ve grown up either hearing people talk about parenting as if it were the best thing ever and absolutely incredible (which, it is). And I’ve heard many others talk about how difficult and challenging it all is (which, it is).
Both are equally true.
It is not more incredible than it is hard. And it is not more hard than it is incredible.
It’s equally both.
It’s hard not being able to go about doing my daily chores as easily as I used to.
It’s hard not being able to function on a daily basis the way I used to.
It’s hard not being able to do the things that I used to be able to do before with ease.
It’s hard doing constant feedings and it’s hard constantly changing diapers.
And yet, just being able to spend time with him is the absolute best time of my day. Being able to see him smile lights up my entire world. Being able to just lay down and hold him is the best thing ever.
And, strangely enough, I personally found the birth to be the exact same way.
Was it painful? Yes.
Could I not wait for the pain to just be over with? Definitely.
Was it incredible? Absolutely.
Was it one of the best days of my life? It was certainly one of the most memorable because the whole day felt magical.
To be honest, a part of me even enjoyed the process of being in labor. (It may be worth noting that I gave birth unmedicated at a birth center, but that may be a story for another day).
It’s honestly weird for me to even acknowledge that. Enjoyed being in labor? All I heard my entire life is how child birth is the most painful experience anyone could ever have. How could that have been enjoyable?
But, strangely enough, it was in this weird paradoxical way.
With the extreme pain there was also extreme joy.
With the extreme fear there was also extreme love.
And that just kind of sums up life as a human now doesn’t it?
There’s fear and there’s joy.
There’s feelings of pain and there’s feelings of happiness.
There’s feelings of sadness and there’s feelings of comfort.
There’s isolation and there’s connection.
There’s conflict and there’s peace.
There’s anger and hate and there’s love.
All of these things exist and every living breathing human has experienced all of these things to varying levels to varying degrees. And though many of us have the tendency to try to view our experiences as “all good” or “all bad” depending on how we may be feeling in the moment, all of these things combined encompass our true authentic human experience.
We can experience sadness and comfort at the exact same time.
We can experience pain and happiness at the exact same time.
We can experience anger and love at the exact same time.
It doesn’t have to be “all” one or “all” the other. Both can be true.
It’s all real. It’s all valid. It’s all true. Even if the experiences appear to conflict. It doesn’t make them any less real. And all of these things combined encompass the human experience.
Things I’ve found nourishing lately:
Music
Spring flowers
Toddler snuggles
Naps, when I can
Hot tea before bed
Reading for pleasure
Less social media, apps and technology and more real world connection
More seafood, specifically various salmon recipes like this one
