This past week has been particularly challenging in the whole “new parent” department. My son has been getting his first tooth. Plus, he’s in a developmental stage where they recognize that mommy and daddy can leave them behind. So with that comes a lot of fussiness and — you guessed it — not a whole lot of peaceful and easy sleep.
The other night I felt like I was running on fumes. It was about day 4 of lots of night wakings and fussiness as well as day 4 of a migraine.
So I was pretty determined to do everything I could to ensure he slept. Definitely made sure he was fully fed. Definitely made sure he had all the remedies to help in managing any pain that may arise. Went through all the tactics — both old and new — to help lay him down to sleep so he would sleep for an extended period of time.
And, unfortunately, nothing worked. He would not lay down to sleep.
So in order to balance it out, my husband took him from midnight to 4 and then I took him the rest of the night.
Naturally, I was nervous at first letting my husband take him, What if he needs me? What if he needs more milk? I worried to myself. But my extreme fatigue overrode all my worries. No, he’ll be fine, I told myself. There’s milk available if he needs it. My husband will figure it out. I need the rest.
So I laid down in bed. It was hard to relax and rest at first but I got there. About 3:30 AM I woke up… I could feel my body ready for a breastfeeding but I paused. He will let me know when he’s hungry, I told myself and fell back asleep.
At almost exactly 4 AM my husband came in to give me the baby. He didn’t explain anything like he normally does so initially I didn’t know what was needed. Pretty soon I realized that a feeding was needed.
So, I sat up and fed him. As he appeared to slow down after 15-20 minutes I took him off to assess. Since he appeared asleep I attempted to lay him down to sleep.
Nope. So I fed a little more and tried again, but this time moved a bit slower and kept my hands and arms around as I gradually set him down.
Nope.
He just won’t let me lay him down, I think to myself.
As he cried and fussed, I decided to just start talking to him with my hands and arms around him. Sure, he’s 6 months old and may not understand exactly, but he’s still a human being, after all.
“Mommy’s right here. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you” I repeat and repeat out of pure exhaustion and desperation, as 45 minutes had already gone by since I initially woke up.
Pretty soon he stops crying, and in the dark room I notice that his eyes are now open. He looks around the room and then looks at me. It was almost as if my voice alone just snapped him out of something. Almost as if he finally realized that mommy is, in fact, not going anywhere and that he is safe right here.
At this point, I don’t know why I decided to nurse him again but I did. I suppose it was just an instinctual decision at that point... something that felt needed to help us both calm down. But I basically decided to lay him down next to me and do a side feeding for a few minutes. I could feel this sense of security wash over both of us at that point. My head finally stopped hurting so much and he finally relaxed.
Once he grew sleepy once again and I unlatched him and allowed him to roll away.
Asleep… at last. And I could finally roll myself away, so we could both finally sleep in peace.
And so we did.
Things I’ve found nourishing this week:
Walks during this past week of sunny, warmth in Northern California.
Baby snuggles, as always
Fresh air
Witnessing the trees starting to bloom
Morning walks to get coffee
Green smoothies
This Y2K Spotify playlist for a dose of nostalgia for this millennial