On Where We Are and Who We Could Be
Some observations of our current collective struggles
Years ago I heard someone say that therapists’ are the gatekeepers to the dark side of society.
I think about that a lot and I’ve found it to be so incredibly true.
As a therapist, you literally hear it all. You hear about all kinds of abuse. All kinds of trauma. All kinds of grief. All kinds of human struggle — physical, emotional, mental, financial, spiritual.
You hear about all everything that everyone is going through. You hear about all the stuff that doesn’t get talked about at brunch with friends or at the family dinner table.
What I’ve always found most interesting over the years is the patterns. There will be weeks or months where I’ll feel like I’m having the same session over and over again. Everyone will seem to be experiencing the same thing, so all the sessions have the same “theme”. This is partially why I felt so drawn so astrology when I started seeing clients early on. I needed some kind of reference to try to help make sense of the patterns.
In 2020, the general theme was a focus on trying to find peace and connection at home in relationships — both romantic and family. That year I felt like I was constantly referring people out for either couples and/or family therapy, which I believe had a lot to do with the fact that so many of us were stuck at home just trying to figure out how to function at home with our partners and families.
In 2021 and 2022, there were a lot of different issues but the themes seemed pretty consistent. A lot of people wanted change, but felt stuck in making the change happen. A lot of people wanted a change in their home. A lot of people were anxious about the state of the world and wanted things to change for the better. A lot of people were dealing with health problems and were trying to find solutions. A lot of people were experiencing grief from loss of loved ones. Overall, a lot of people were unfulfilled and many were trying to find some kind of life balance to find a way to cope.
So far this year it’s hard to say for sure what the theme is, but it feels like we’re reaching a peak and there seems to be a general need for… freedom.
So many of us are tired.
We’re tired of waiting. We’re tired of trying so hard. We’re tired of doing so much and not feeling like we’re getting the progress that we truly want.
In a way, we’re kind of fed up. Which, given the context of what’s been going on the last few years it makes a lot of sense.
At this point, we just want what we want. We want things to be different. We’re tired of the struggle. We’re tired of life being so hard. We’re tired of being limited. We’re tired of feeling stuck. We’re tired of spending most of our time at jobs that aren’t fulfilling.
At least from my observations, it feels like there’s more movement happening around that. I’m seeing more people take the leap and say “it’s time to make this change this now”.
I’ve seen it in people diving into a topic in therapy that’s was scary to look at head on. I’ve seen it in people making that career change that they’ve been afraid to do for years. I’ve seen people starting new creative projects that they didn’t give themselves space to do before. I’ve seen it in people moving into uncharted territory by starting new relationships that they were once avoiding.
I’m seeing more people just say no to what isn’t working anymore and say yes to something that they’ve been yearning to do because it might actually work.
I’m seeing a little more risk taking in hopes to get what we truly want. A little more stepping into the unknown to try new things on and see what works even if that involves feeling uncomfortable for a while.
After all, if you have already been miserable and it hasn’t gotten any better, then what is the harm in trying something different? It makes sense that changing would feel a little less scary at that point.
As Anais Nin said…
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Given all the hell we’ve collectively been through these past 3 years… we all deserve to have a little space to move out of who we think we should be and to blossom into who we know we could be.
Things I’ve found nourishing this week:
Rainy days
Contact naps
Hugs
Berry spinach salads
This article by Cosmic Anarchy on the importance of focusing on what we are for rather than what we are against was a breath of fresh air.
Giving myself time to write
Salt baths