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Lately I’ve been reflecting on loneliness.
I have to say — it’s probably one of the most talked about topics that I’ve had come up with clients over the years… by far.
And when the topic comes up, I’ve often seen people go into a kind of “fix it mode” with it by saying things like:
“I need more friends”
“I need to get out more”
“I need to socialize more”
“I need to start dating again”
“I need a boyfriend/girlfriend”
Which all comes with the underlying assumption that by changing one’s own relationship status or how many people they are socializing with that that alone will remove the loneliness.
While this may solve the issue temporarily in a practical sense, I’ve never seen it heal the root of the problem. More often than not, the loneliness will still emerge despite how “social” someone is.
The loneliness always comes back — and I can say that from both personal experience and through years of observation and listening. In fact, some of the most social people I’ve met are also some of the most lonely. And sometimes their continuous socialization is an attempt at trying to relieve the loneliness that just never quite goes away.
Which begs the question: What if loneliness isn’t something that needs to be “fixed”? What if loneliness is a teacher, a messenger? And the loneliness is there to show us what truly matters to us.
Maybe it’s there to show us what our needs are.
Maybe it’s there to show us our old childhood wounds.
Maybe it’s there to show us our deepest desires.
Maybe it’s there to show us what our souls most need.
Maybe it’s there to show us what makes us human.
And maybe the only way we can uncover what that loneliness is really about is by accepting it.
By allowing ourselves to sit with it.
To be with the hurt.
To be with the pain.
To be with the sadness or grief that may emerge alongside it.
Because, more often than not, the only way we can ever really understand our own emotions is by allowing ourselves to really just be with them for a while…
With no need to fix it.
With no need to change it.
To just be with it.