On How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference
I recently made some changes to my walking routine...
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I’ve recently changed up my morning routine.
For the last couple years my husband has walked our dog in the morning and I’ve always walked her in the afternoon or evening.
Due to the recent rise in temperatures in Northern California as well as being pregnant and having significantly more blood bumping through my system, which, inevitably, leads to me running hotter than usual, we’ve decided to switch the routine.
I’ve been finding the mornings more peaceful and quiet. Walking in the morning has been a far more grounding practice for me than waiting until the afternoon/evening.
However, what’s also interesting is that I’ve found myself changing the way I am on the walks.
In previous years, my common go-to has been to find some music or a podcast to listen to. Occasionally I would walk the dog in silence, but I often found myself reaching for some kind of audio stimulation. This was partially due to me still processing therapy sessions and that kind of stimulation was one way to help me start to “unplug” from the work day and focus on something else. Naturally, some days the music would help better than others, but it has been a tool I’ve used help regulate my own nervous system in some way.
And yet, in hindsight, I can now see how the audio stimulation was distracting and, in some ways, even less regulating than intended.
Case in point: My dog, who is a rescue, is and has always been relatively “leash anxious” around other dogs. I use the phrase “leash anxious” rather than the commonly used term “leash aggression” because, well, my husband started using it a few weeks ago.
When I had first noticed the change in his phrasing and asked him about it, he told me that it’s a more accurate way of describing what’s going on with the dog: She’s lunging and barking because she is anxious. Meanwhile, the use of the word “aggression” gives the subtle implication that the dog is “bad” and that it’s going to be either challenging or impossible for the owner (or anyone) to handle and “fix” the dog. In fact, it might even extend so far as to subtly shame the owner for having “an aggressive dog”. When, in reality, you have an anxious dog, because the anxiety is the cause of the behavior. Not aggression, which is what we see on the outside.
It’s a little reframe to move away from the idea that “there are bad dogs” to “there is nothing inherently wrong with any dog”.
(And in case you’re wondering: No, my husband isn’t a therapist or anything like that).
Anyway, so I have recently noticed that ever since I started taking walks with my dog while not listening to anything (other than maybe the birds in the environment), her behavior has actually improved.
I chalk this up for a few reasons:
She’s now 3 and we’ve had her for 2.5 years. We know her well at this point and she knows us.
For the last several months I’ve been far more attuned to her body language as to know when she’s anxious or not, and try to help her in some way when she is.
When I’m not listening to music or podcasts on the walks, I am significantly more present with her. This makes it significantly easier for me to help her when she becomes anxious.
When you think about it — it makes sense. Just as kids, a dog’s behavior will change and shift depending on your own state. If you’re dysregulated, then the dog (or kid) will also be dysregulated.
That’s the whole idea of co-regulation: The more regulated you are, then the easier it is going to be for those around you to regulate as well.
It’s challenging and it takes time, because, obviously, another human or animal is just going to be dysregulated sometimes for their own reasons that may have little to do with you.
The goal in co-regulation, however, is to work towards being more regulated yourself despite their dysregulation.
What I have noticed with my 3-year old pup is that the more I am in the present moment with her rather than distracted by some kind of willfully chosen stimuli, then the easier it is for her to also regulate and for me to respond effectively when she isn’t.
And I have to be honest — being more regulated due to not having all that unnecessary stimulation is significantly better for me too.
It’s far easier for me to enjoy the moment as it is.
I’m able to notice and enjoy the green grass, the blooming flowers, and the chirping birds.
I’m able to really notice and enjoy the cool breeze and the warmth of the sun on my skin.
It allows me to really take in the moment as it is and enjoy just being alive.
Now, I don’t know if this is entirely a “goodbye” to my days of listening to podcasts or music on walks, but I have very much so seen the benefit — in both myself and my dog (and I suspect that will also be true with my future child).
So, unless I feel really compelled to do something different, I’m going to be sticking with walks where the only thing I’m “tuning in to” is the sound of birds chirping and the environment around me.
And I have to say — it feels significantly better.