Lessons from my son on what is most needed
Reflections from the first few weeks of parenting
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In the first 2 weeks of parenting, my husband and I naturally struggled in a way that most new parents do: Having absolutely no idea what this new human being’s needs are.
And, to be fair, there’s also the layer of this new human being having absolutely no idea what they need either. After all, they’re having all kinds of completely new sensory experiences. So they themselves are also struggling to try to know what they need and to communicate it.
Since it is a newborn baby, of course, there’s really only a few things that they consistently need: Food, diaper change, burping, sleep, and comfort.
So in the first few weeks when our son was crying at 3 AM, we often went through the checklist:
Does he need food?
Does his diaper need changing?
Does he have gas?
Is he sleepy?
Does he need some kind of comfort or soothing?
There were a few nights where we checked most of the boxes, but this baby was still crying — seemingly endlessly — at 3 AM.
We had changed the diaper. We checked for gas. We fed him well.
Yet the tears continued as we found ourselves tired, sleep deprived and completely exhausted.
And with time I gradually realized that the one thing I had forgotten was the easiest of all: To simply just slow down, comfort and sooth.
To simply hold while I am calm.
To simply rock while I am still.
To simply just reassure him that he is okay.
And sure enough, it worked and he dosed off to sleep.
Seeing my son express his needs in these moments reminded me of the importance of just being present with another human being.
As humans, sometimes we’re just upset simply because we’re upset.
Sometimes there is nothing to “fix” or change.
Sometimes what is most needed isn’t to fix or change anything.
Sometimes what we most need is another human being’s presence.
Another person’s patience.
Another person’s slowness.
Another person’s compassion.
Another person’s acceptance.
Another person’s gentleness.
Just so we can know that we are okay and that it will all be okay.
And sometimes that alone is enough.