A brief, messy update

After weeks of not saying much

So unfortunately I have not had the energy and capacity to write a new article for a while now.

It bothers me. A lot. Not because I feel obligated to write, but because it is an outlet I enjoy.

It’s a space for me that feels nourishing.

But if I don’t have the energy and capacity, then I don’t have the energy and capacity.

It just is what it is — and it’s not helpful to anyone to try to force it to be different.

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

So to give a little update: Essentially, my 3 month old son had a health condition that was overlooked by healthcare providers for 2.5 months. I spent those months sensing that there was an issue, so I kept expressing my concerns to various healthcare providers in hopes they would help. Unfortunately, my concerns were overlooked, unheard, dismissed, and minimized for 2 months. In some cases, I was flat out told that the issue was not real and that it was my problem.

Fortunately, at about the 2.5 month mark I was finally able to find 2 providers who were able to truly help us by giving us the answers we had been seeking and to give us the care we’ve been needing.

And though it’s been really hard, this past week it’s been working.

Currently, we are finally in the recovery process and things are getting better by the day now that we’ve received the care we needed. But I know it’s going to be a long and tedious process for a few more weeks.

And I have to say — honestly, I am angry.

Extremely angry that it took this long and it required me to waste this much time and energy just so my son could receive the care he has needed. And I’m completely outraged that I’m needing to support my son in recovering from something while 3 months old that should’ve been taking care of within his first month of life.

Photo by Jana Sabeth on Unsplash

So for me, I’m resting when I can and taking this one day at a time. I’m making mental notes of the small progresses made every day in order to remind myself that we are getting there. Slowly, gradually getting there.

Progress is being made even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.

Progress is being made even if life currently isn’t the way I thought it would be right now.

Progress is being made even if there is regression before there is growth.

Progress is being made even though the healing process is messy.

Progress is being made even if I’m having to say no to things that I yearn to have the capacity for at 3 months postpartum.

Progress is being made even if the changes needed don’t happen overnight.

Because true healing takes time. It’s not a “quick fix”. There are no magic wands or magic pills to take it all away instantly. It’s takes one step at a time each and every day.